I expect you to fix this Ellen

So apparently, Birmingham, the second largest city in England, has:

"decided to drop apostrophes from all its street signs,
saying they're confusing and old-fashioned.
But some purists are downright possessive about the punctuation mark."

Link to Article

PURISTS?! I'm sorry, but I don't think someone who wants to keep one of the basic punctuation marks in the English language is a purist. I think they just have a 3rd grade education and realize how fucking STUPID this is.

Well, the council of Birmingham has been apparently dealing with this since the 1950s. For some reason this is a very controversial issue. But recently, the council has made a decision, no apostrophes anymore! Councilman Martin Mullaney said this:

"Apostrophes denote possessions that are no longer accurate,
and are not needed," he said. "More importantly, they confuse people. If I want to go to a restaurant, I don't want to have an A-level (high school diploma) in English to find it."

WHO IS THIS GUY?! How was he elected to his position? This is ridiculous.


-James

Now playing: VultureMoose - Power Force

This makes the Jedi "religion" legitimate

So the coolest toy EVER is coming out! Gator Golf 2! USING REAL GATORS.

Just kidding guys, sorry. However, go ahead and make a Mr. Bucket toy using a real bucket.

Anyway, the greatest toy ever is this thing:

(No, not the child! Well, I think he's sold separately at least)

It's called the "Force Trainer". The WHAT. THAT'S RIGHT, STAR WARS IS REAL. No no, sorry everyone who reads this blog (mom), however it is pretty neat. I'll let USA Today explain:

The Force Trainer (expected to be priced at $90 to $100) comes with a headset that uses brain waves to allow players to manipulate a sphere within a clear 10-inch-tall training tower, analogous to Yoda and Luke Skywalker's abilities in the Star Wars films.

In the Force Trainer, a wireless headset reads your brain activity, in a simplified version of EEG medical tests, and the circuitry translates it to physical action. If you focus well enough, the training sphere, which looks like a ping-pong ball, will rise in the tower.

The article goes on to talk about another toy using this same technology, however without the Star Wars aspect. So what the hell is the point of making it? I ASK YOU.

Mind-control games may be the coming thing: Mattel plans to demonstrate a Mind Flex game (also due this fall), which uses brain-wave activity to move a ball through a tabletop obstacle course, at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas on Thursday.

My prediction? In fifteen years, video games won't need controllers anymore. It'll be all brain power. And I dunno about you, maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I wouldn't play an online game with this technology. Then I'll get some hacker going in my brain and putting gigs of goatse, lemonparty and tubgirl jpegs, and NO ONE wants that.

Speaking of toys, listener and oft mentioned cool person, Josh "Raincoat" sent me this little goodie:


















That's an "AVENGING NARWHAL" killing some little seal. I have no idea why, but I'm assuming it has something to do with vengeance.

It comes with four tusks and four "Natural Enemies", a seal, a penguin and a god-damned Koala bear. Koala bears shouldn't mess with anything, especially a giant walrus thing with a giant ass bone sticking out of it's face.

Oh and each of these enemies comes with a hole where, as you can plainly see, shove one those tusks through it's unbelievably cute body.


















Do you see this shit?! The ruby tusk DRAINS YOUR FUCKING BLOOD. This is the most metal toy ever. Buy this for your little metalhead instead of that jewelery I showed you.

-James

Now playing: The Beach Boys - God Only Knows [Stereo Mix]

PS This album (Pet Sounds) owns my life.

Black metal and jewelery, a match made in HELL?!

So, I was informed by my friend and guest on the We're Friends! podcast, Awesome, about an article on blabbermouth.net. Blabbermouth.net is essentially a news site for all things metal, with some hardcore, punk, industrial and hard rock thrown in too. It's known for belligerent comments from users, articles ranging from deaths of famous metal people to what Lemmy from Motörhead ate that week.

ANYWAY. I checked out this article and it said this:

New York jewelry designer Dirty Librarian Chains has released a super-limited line of handmade jewelry inspired by the "True Norwegian Black Metal" photography series from Peter Beste.

All Dirty Librarian Chains jewelry is made from hand-selected vintage chains, making each piece in this collection unique. There is a limited quantity of the "black metal" chains (a couple of sample images below) available here so get them before they are all sold out. Dirty Librarian Chains also has a collection of equally special, non-black metal jewelry available at this location.

Really? I mean, REALLY?! Look, for those of you who don't know much about black metal, it's a pretty silly genre. Lots of guys wearing leather, spiked gauntlets, bullet belts, black and white "corpse paint" and sometimes chain mail, heaving medieval weapons in snow covered forests. Lots of albums about satanism, Odinism, Lord of the Rings (no joke) and how cold Scandinavia is.

But jewelery? Well, all right. Everyone's allowed to do what they want right? Let's take a look at some of the pieces:

The ETERNAL WINTER NECKLACE

Cost: $100

I mean, this is a really uh...simple piece of jewelery. Long chain, wooden cross (INVERTED BLEEARRGGHH) and some frilly chain at the bottom. The cross isn't even a metal of some sort. Maybe using a wooden one is more blasphemous.

What does vintage mean exactly regarding chains? Is it like cheese and wine, where it can get "better" as the years go by? If you know, email us please. wearefriendspodcast@gmail.com

Honestly, I could buy a chain, a wooden little cross, and some frill and make this for like 25 bucks probably. This isn't silver by the way, just some regular old metal.


The DEATH'S EMBRACE RING

Cost: $30

Ok, this is wallet chain material. That's it. How is this black metal? Because it's darkish in color?

What else to say? It could've at least had a inscription of some Emperor lyrics or something. Probably couldn't get the rights.










The EMPTY THRONE NECKLACE (These names are fantastic, by the way)

Cost: $170 (!!!)

HOW MUCH?! Ok, ok, maybe there's something cool or expensive in the necklace.

Ohhh, it's silver. Well all right. But it still looks like fucking wallet chains. And this time the cross isn't even completely inverted? "Sorry Frank, you can't come into the black metal clubhouse, you're only 75% heathen." This is what will happen to millions of Franks if they buy this.

Also, what the hell does "Vintage chain will vary." mean? Does that mean I might get something not made of silver, or a chain of a different design? Maybe they'll send me a pink wallet chain! Too much vagueness.

So there you go. Black metal is now part of the fashion industry. Along with Gaahl (frontman of one of the two Gorgoroths [don't ask]) starting his own clothing line. Man, what would Quorthon (black metal forefather, leader of Bathory) think of this?

"Who cares?" he'd probably say.
"Shut up Quorthon", I'd reply, "you're dead."
Then I'd whisper, "I didn't mean it Mr. Forsberg, please sign my cd."
And then he'd eat my brains because he's a zombie.

-James

Now playing: The Beach Boys - Wouldn't It Be Nice [Stereo Mix]