Black metal and jewelery, a match made in HELL?!

So, I was informed by my friend and guest on the We're Friends! podcast, Awesome, about an article on blabbermouth.net. Blabbermouth.net is essentially a news site for all things metal, with some hardcore, punk, industrial and hard rock thrown in too. It's known for belligerent comments from users, articles ranging from deaths of famous metal people to what Lemmy from Motörhead ate that week.

ANYWAY. I checked out this article and it said this:

New York jewelry designer Dirty Librarian Chains has released a super-limited line of handmade jewelry inspired by the "True Norwegian Black Metal" photography series from Peter Beste.

All Dirty Librarian Chains jewelry is made from hand-selected vintage chains, making each piece in this collection unique. There is a limited quantity of the "black metal" chains (a couple of sample images below) available here so get them before they are all sold out. Dirty Librarian Chains also has a collection of equally special, non-black metal jewelry available at this location.

Really? I mean, REALLY?! Look, for those of you who don't know much about black metal, it's a pretty silly genre. Lots of guys wearing leather, spiked gauntlets, bullet belts, black and white "corpse paint" and sometimes chain mail, heaving medieval weapons in snow covered forests. Lots of albums about satanism, Odinism, Lord of the Rings (no joke) and how cold Scandinavia is.

But jewelery? Well, all right. Everyone's allowed to do what they want right? Let's take a look at some of the pieces:

The ETERNAL WINTER NECKLACE

Cost: $100

I mean, this is a really uh...simple piece of jewelery. Long chain, wooden cross (INVERTED BLEEARRGGHH) and some frilly chain at the bottom. The cross isn't even a metal of some sort. Maybe using a wooden one is more blasphemous.

What does vintage mean exactly regarding chains? Is it like cheese and wine, where it can get "better" as the years go by? If you know, email us please. wearefriendspodcast@gmail.com

Honestly, I could buy a chain, a wooden little cross, and some frill and make this for like 25 bucks probably. This isn't silver by the way, just some regular old metal.


The DEATH'S EMBRACE RING

Cost: $30

Ok, this is wallet chain material. That's it. How is this black metal? Because it's darkish in color?

What else to say? It could've at least had a inscription of some Emperor lyrics or something. Probably couldn't get the rights.










The EMPTY THRONE NECKLACE (These names are fantastic, by the way)

Cost: $170 (!!!)

HOW MUCH?! Ok, ok, maybe there's something cool or expensive in the necklace.

Ohhh, it's silver. Well all right. But it still looks like fucking wallet chains. And this time the cross isn't even completely inverted? "Sorry Frank, you can't come into the black metal clubhouse, you're only 75% heathen." This is what will happen to millions of Franks if they buy this.

Also, what the hell does "Vintage chain will vary." mean? Does that mean I might get something not made of silver, or a chain of a different design? Maybe they'll send me a pink wallet chain! Too much vagueness.

So there you go. Black metal is now part of the fashion industry. Along with Gaahl (frontman of one of the two Gorgoroths [don't ask]) starting his own clothing line. Man, what would Quorthon (black metal forefather, leader of Bathory) think of this?

"Who cares?" he'd probably say.
"Shut up Quorthon", I'd reply, "you're dead."
Then I'd whisper, "I didn't mean it Mr. Forsberg, please sign my cd."
And then he'd eat my brains because he's a zombie.

-James

Now playing: The Beach Boys - Wouldn't It Be Nice [Stereo Mix]