Winter

Here in New Jersey, we recently had a small blizzard and the snow hasn't melted just yet. It's also Christmas Eve, and I got to thinking about this time of year, and what stuff reminds me of it. Lots of us have things we attach to winter, memories, books, food. Here's a few things for me that go really well with winter.

Blankets by Craig Thompson


Blankets is an autobiographical graphic novel that revolves around the author's life at two points, when he was in middle school and when he was nearing the end of high school. He writes/draws about his relationships with his family, specifically his brother and also of his first love. Almost all of the book takes place in winter, which makes curling up with this book in December yourself even more satisfying. It's a coming-of-age/love story, but it also delves into the idea of faith, specifically of a Christian sort. It's a sad, yet warm book and you should buy it.

Die Hard

The ultimate Christmas action movie. John McClane is an NYC cop in LA and now some goddamned terrorists have taken Nakatomi Plaza, the building his wife is in. He's gotta walk over broken glass in his bare feet, deal with incompetant cops on the outside, all the while trying to save his marriage. Here's the (fucking) short version:



At the Heart of Winter by Immortal

This is THE black metal band. They may not have created the genre, they may not be the best within the genre, but Immortal defines black metal. Grim, frostbitten, tr00 and kvlt, these guys love telling you about ice, snow and other cold things while wearing corpse paint and shin guards. When you listen to this album, you better put on a coat! Here's my favorite song of it:



Go sledding!

-James

Now playing: Pig Destroyer - Alexandria

Lyrics

How important to you are lyrics in the music you listen to? The main focus? Irrelevant? Somewhere in between? For me it depends on the band or artist. With some music, the vocals are just another sound in the melody (or cacophony). And with other music, the lyrics absolutely kill me (in a good way).

Lyrics in music can be equated to poetry if you want to generalize. Rhyming sentences that tell a story, describe emotions, or whatever. However, like poetry, the "rules" of writing lyrics are only followed by some. If you want to have a top 40 hit, make your lyrics rhyme and have a catchy beat that's in tune with the music. If not, do what you want I guess.

Let's take a look at some bands and their different styles or lyricism:

Band/Artist: Devin Townsend
Song: The Death of Music (6:00 onward)

Don't die on me
Don't go away
When I need you here
In my need

A very simple passage, but Mr. Townsend sings these words with such passion and created such epic music around them that it feels like a divine aria, if you're into that sort of thing. And the words themselves are so succinct, but so genuine. This is what every person wishes of their loved one. This selection can make me cry every time.

Band/Artist: The Paper Chase
Song: I am Going to Spend the Rest of My Life Lying

You better mind your p's and q's and
You better thank your lucky stars, this
the bigger fish ain't made a meal out of you.
I'm drinking wine I didn't squeeze out of you cause

I'm a swinging axe.
I'm a baseball bat.
I'm a cudgel sort,
and I'm a quick reply,
a fast retort.

The Paper Chase have absolutely brilliant lyrics. Their songs are full of metaphors, catchphrases and all sorts of spot-on rhyming. If I found out that they all had PhDs in romantic poetry and political science I wouldn't be surprised at all. These guys are dark band and spend a lot of the time singing about revenge and spite. But instead of going "You broke my heart so fuck you!" they use imaginative and haunting words to tell their stories.

Band/Artist: Andrew W.K.
Song: Totally Stupid (3:38 onward)

When we find ourselves in trouble
We can find ourselves a way
You can find a place to stay
And the place is always safe

If you have a heart that's in pain
Don't be afraid
You're not to blame
There's a better world inside of us
Where we always thought it was
You don't need to hide
You can open up your eyes

Now Andrew W.K. might be known for partying "hard" as it were, but the man (in my eyes) is a god-damned genius. He exudes positivity and joy. These lyrics also showcase a talent of treading the line between the blunt and the poetic, lyrics-wise. The sentences are very straightforward, but what he's actually telling you is introspective and warm. Every time I hear "You don't need to hide" I want to hug the whole world.

Band/Artist: Jesu
Song: Sun Day (4:32 onward)

You're my heart.
You're my heart.
You're my heart.
You're my heart.

What is this? The dumbest, most unorginal lyrics ever? Maybe to you. But maybe you're like me, and you hear the strain in Justin Broadrick's voice, trying to tell whoever he's telling how much they mean to him. Without them, his heart, he will die. This is what I hear.

Band/Artist: Neurosis
Song: Burn (3:01 onward)

this world of cold stone gives nothing in return
to those who sleep while the restless burn
there are the few driven to flame
most are content to drown in the wake of dreams

the trail lies overgrown
across the years fade out of light
ever growing dim to an age in the dark
grasp from your soul a don't let it steal your eyes

Neurosis is a depressing and intense band to say the least. Their songs are rife with imaginative lyrics that can be interpreted in all sorts of ways. What these words mean to you could, and probably will, mean something completely different to me. Their lyrics are dark and surrealist paintings, allowing you to create your own story around them.

Band/Artist: Zimmer's Hole (with special guest Nathan Explosion of Dethklok)
Song: The Vowel Song

A, E, I, O, U, and sometimes
Y are you wasting my air?
Why are you still here?
Why must I tolerate, no debate, eliminate!
A, E, I, O, U... SUCK... SUCK!

Best lyrics in the world.

-James

Now playing: Cult of Luna - Back to Chapel Town

GRIM JEEEAANS

So I wonder if any of you remember THIS POST, where I spoke of jewelry inspired by black metal. Well, I have something to post about that is relevant to that post! There is a Norwegian clothing company called "Anti Sweden" (the name is apparently "a tongue-in-cheek style statement against better-known jeans brands from neighbouring Sweden" ref) whose main product are pair of black jeans. Not just ANY black jeans though, oh no no. These jeans are frostbitten, they are kvlt and troo, they are GRIM. Why don't we take a look at a commercial for them?



That song in the background is a Sunn O))) tune called "O)))BOW1" which was a collaboration between the band and (in)famous noise artist Merzbow off the album "Flight of the Behemoth". This company is obviously going for a black metal vibe, which is shown through some of the photos they have on their site:

Wolves! AWOOOOOO!!


You see there, the inside of the pockets have rather "dark" designs on them done by Justin Bartlett, who's worked with Aura Noir, Gorgoroth, Trap Them, Dodheimsgard, among other bands. (One of the sections on his site is called "Killustration!)

Look, I guess I'm going to have to come to terms with black metal being fashionable. Maybe I'll get some highlights in my hair, put on my corpse-paint and go to Soho for a gallery opening and drink wine coolers while wearing my spiked gauntlets. If you can't kill 'em join 'em? NO, YOU JUST TRY TO KILL THEM HARDER! FOR ODIIIIIIIINNN!!!

(Thanks to Megan [via twitter] for showing me this!)

-James

Now playing: Windir - Resurrection of the Wild

Show Tweets - 4/17/09

WOE, BUBONIC BEAR AND OTHERS
@ THE CELLAR - PHILADELPHIA, PA

7:35pm - At a basement metal show in Philly. First band is Bubonic Bear. 2-piece sludge. Great stuff.














7:51 - And how awesome is their name? And they totally fit it. They sound like a bear with the black death coming right at you.

8:04 - Bubonic Bear reminds me of Typhoid Mary.

8:05 - Leprosy Carl?

8:08pm - There's a picture of Chippy from Tim and Eric in the bathroom!














8:14 - Two bands aren't here yet. Two hours late.

9:19 - Other two bands finally got here.

9:26 - Band on now is named Castavet. Experimental black metal.














9:30 - They are also a 2-piece. Sounds like Weakling mixed with Tombs.

9:36 - Uuuuugggghhh the drummer is so gooood.

10:02 - Evan and I looked at each other and simultaneously pointed. Awesome.

10:51 - Talked to the drummer of Castavet. Very cool dude.

11:56 - Woe was great. Shane and Evan both wore sleeveless shirts as a joke since Chris wears one at every show he plays.














11:67 - The guys in Bubonic Bear are really nice and funny.

-James

Now playing: Bubonic Bear - Borrowed Flesh

PS Here are some links to the bands!

WOE

BUBONIC BEAR

Show Tweets - 4/10/09

So, when I go to shows, I usually tweet about my experience there. The crowd, the bands, the whole shebang. I try to be humorous and the other half of We're Friends! seems to think I accomplish that most of the time. He suggested that I post my tweets about the show here on the blog. So why not. The order of tweets goes chronologically from top to bottom.

DIVINITY DESTROYED AND OTHERS
@ THE STONE PONY -ASBURY PARK, NJ

-At the Stone Pony for Divinity Destroyed headlining gig. Missed the first band.

-Band playing now, "Beyond Visible", sounds like Nickelback trying to be metal.

-Lead singers playing air guitar on stage: Y/N

-Lead guitarist has a tribal tattoo! This is the best band ever.

-Vocalist is wearing a button-down shirt, tie and leather jacket. Bottom of tie is poking out of jacket. Somehow it's both cute and douchy.

-Talking to Jim, bassist of DD, was difficult because there were two weaboos trying to interrupt as often as they could.

-Band on now, "Exit She Calls", is pop-punk/indie. Very cute and earnest.

-Band on now is named Kreagan and gets the most metal name on the bill award.

-They're like Judas Priest mixed with Megadeth but more hard rock than metal.

-End of an Era is on now. Just really shitty butt metal with synths.

-My god, the bassist's neckbeard is like a foot long and has the consistency of the hair on his head.

-Drummer is wearing a "blood" splattered, sleeveless shirt with an extremely loosened tie.

-Just heard lyric: "she cuts herself..."

-And Divinity was great like they always are.

So there you have it. If this sucks or is awesome, email us at: wearefriendspodcast@gmail.com

-James

Now playing: Faith No More - The Real Thing

In Which James Yells at Everyone About a Metal Band (Part 2)

Hello everybody! I've decided that you all enjoyed that post I wrote about Mastodon SO MUCH, that you were clamoring for more posts about metal bands! Is any of this true? It's IRRELEVANT. Besides, in my head, every person in the world (including the deaf!) loves metal! So this gonna be like my webcomic posts, in the sense that I'll write another one eventually.

So today I'm gonna talk to you about the great Canadian metal band Strapping Young Lad.

This band was started by a man named Devin Townsend, who I am a HUGE fan of. He does music under his name which is more prog-rock and incredible. Anyway, the first SYL album was called Heavy as a Really Heavy Thing and was written/performed entirely by Townsend with the help of a drum machine and a few session musicians. It contains the epic song "S.Y.L." which has these lyrics:

I worked for you fucking bastards
I worked for your fucking lies
I went and pissed away too may fucking opportunities
To try and make you fuckers feel right
And I fucking hate you...

I am the coming of a new age
Stained we still stand tall
I am the coming of a new age
And I will never fall
I bear the questions of a new time
Seen but never heard
I've seen the comings of a new time, get ready...
Cause here it comes.

These lyrics are pretty representative of SYL lyrics and the tone of of the band overall. Fierce, blunt and in your face. Townsend recruited some permanent members after Heavy. They are: Jed Simon (guitars), Byron Stroud (bass) and Gene Hoglan (drums). Hoglan is pretty famous in the metal world, having drummed for Testamant, Dark Angel and the incomparable Death.

I got to meet SYL and two things of note occured. First, I told Devin how much SYL and his music meant to me, to which he cordially replied "Thank you". I look at him straight in the eyes and say, "No! Thank YOU." and walk away. Also, when I met Gene, I noticed he smelled very good.

SYL's music is usually described as "extreme" and they definitely deserve that adjective. Devin's screams range from the guttural to the high-pitched and his lyrics are like a brick in the face. Hoglan's drums are ridiculous, he's known as the "Atomic clock". His beats are precise and brutal, like a machine that hates you.

In terms of genre, many people call them "industrial-metal", but eh. When I hear that, I think ...And Oceans, Rammstein...later Danzig, yuck. SYL uses synth all the time, for sure, but this is not music you can dance to. This is music to CRUSH to.

So, if you're looking for a metal band with the speed and aggression of grind, but with the songwriting sensibilities of thrash and with a dash of humor, Strapping Young Lad is the band for you. Here is their song, "All Hail the New Flesh":



-James

Now playing: Strapping Young Lad - Room 429

Who Says the Elderly Can't Rock Out?!

From The Border Mail (LINK):

DARKNESS falls over the room. A hush descends, expectation slowly rising as the band takes to the stage.

Within seconds there is a burst of energy as a guttural, primeval sound pours out from the PA system and the pit erupts into a sea of heads thrashing in rhythm to the music.

In the wings a 70-year-old, dressed all in black, watches and listens intently and with pride to the death-metal quintet.

The group is Nemesphyxia and the woman, Jan Berryman, is the softly-spoken grandmother of band member Tom Banks

So apparently this dude Tom moved in with his grandma when he was 14. And she was the on who got him into metal. She showed him metallica and Iron Maiden and he went on to form a band. Also, she apparently really helps out money-wise too, look at this:

She also recently provided the band with $8000 to cut the CD and have promotional shirts and posters printed, which the band hopes to pay back.

“If it wasn’t for her we probably wouldn’t exist,” he says.

How awesome is that?! I hope all of you are/will treat your kids this way. Any type of art or creative expression should be encouraged by families. And who knows, maybe you'll like your kid's grindcore band.

Jan "Metal Granny" Berryman with son Daniel

-James

Now playing: Enslaved - As Fire Swept Clean the Earth

Episode 13: Nostradamus, Tortillas, Italy

In this episode, we talk about music and the industry, how to pronounce words incorrectly and Pitchfork.

DOWNLOAD IT.

Holy shit you guys.

HOLY SHIT.

We have...a brand new...homemade...THEME SONG! WE DON'T KNOW IF YOU GUYS WILL EVEN BE ABLE TO DEAL WITH IT.

What's that? You want a copy of it to listen to? WELL SURE, CLICK HERE.

Music:

Swans: "Power for Power"
Notorious B.I.G. - "Juicy"
The Beach Boys: "I'm Waiting for the Day"
The Police: "Canary in a Coal Mine"

And here's the video of Gaahl (ex-vocalist of Gorgoroth), being interviewed for the film "Metal: A Headbanger's Journey":

You Must Learn to Shine

I love music. So does Dash. We love music a whoooooole bunch. When I hear a song or an album that I really like, I'll listen to it over and over and over again. I bet a lot of you out there do the same. Whenever I go to a local or smaller show (concert), I try to get there when doors open because you never know when a band you don't know might blow you away.

I went to a local NJ show a few years ago that my friends set up that had a bunch of bands with friends of mine in them. There was also a band I had never heard/seen before. People have told me I saw them once before, but I think I was outside of the venue when they played. The band played and I was completely blown away. That doesn't happen too often to any of I think, so right away I bought a cd and talked to one of the guitarists and the keyboardist.

That band was The Green Evening Requiem. That cd I bought was two demos and quickly became one of my all time favorites. Now, years later, the drummer is one of my best friends and the band has gone through a billion changes. Until recently, the line-up was, to put it simply, wack-a-doo. A guitarist left, one of the founding members left, another guitarist joined, and then the keyboardist, who became the lead guitarist, left as well. Now the line-up is solid. It's made up of the brothers Evan (drums) and Shane Madden (bass) and Woe mastermind Chris Grigg (guitar).

And on the 14th of March, they released their first "real" album. This is in no way disparaging to their first release, all I mean is that this is an ALBUM. Not two amazing demos put together. It was a long road to get it finished, with tons of obstacles and bumps along the way. But it is finally available.

I'm biased about TGER. Evan, Shane and Chris have all been awesome to me. And the inner circle consists of awesome people as well. I've felt nothing but love coming from them to their fans. However, listening to the album objectively, I can honestly say it's great. I think the way I knew it was when I was trying to compare a song to another metal band, and I couldn't. I mean, they have influences definitely: Katatonia, Agalloch, Enslaved, Pink Floyd, Neurosis, etc. But they have a very unique sound and they deserve all the praise they get.

The album is available online as a "Pay what you want" digital download. It has two reworked songs from the original demos cd and 5 others. I really recommend it. If you want great, heavy, melodic, and all together original metal, pick up the new album.

It's called "Bastards of Atlas" and is available HERE.

Chris Grigg, Shane Madden and Evan Madden

-James

Now playing: British Sea Power - No Lucifer

PS They're also streaming the album on Last.fm, so if you want to listen before buying it, here you go. Click here.

A Few Things

NUMBER ONE:

House passes resolution to honor actor Paul Newman

-Paul Newman, the late actor and 10-time Academy Award nominee, has been honored by lawmakers as a screen legend and humanitarian.

Newman died Sept. 26, 2008, at age 83 after a long battle with cancer. The House on Tuesday night approved a resolution recognizing Newman's achievements on and off screen.

This is neat. Newman is probably my favorite actor and was a really cool dude outside of the craft. You all probably know about the "Newman's Own" brand of foodstuffs. What you might not know that it was completely non-profit and went to fund charities of all types.

Link to article.

NUMBER TWO:

Mike Patton has just completed his first major motion film score for the film "Crank 2: High Voltage", due out on April 17.

-While Patton has often dabbled in film — whether it was lending his voice to the creatures in "I Am Legend", his score for the indie film noir short "A Perfect Place" or FANTÔMAS' film-scoring interpretation via "The Director's Cut" — this marks his first proper film score.

Patton created the music during a late 2008 session at a Los Angeles studio and eliminated all other projects during the recording, a point worth noting as he is well known for being one of modern music's most prolific artists.

Mike Patton is one of my favorite vocalists. He was/is in three of my all time favorite bands (Faith No More, Mr. Bungle and Fantômas), is also in Tomahawk, the mastermind of Peeping Tom, did an album with the X-Ecutioners, and has worked with The Dillinger Escape Plan, John Zorn, Björk and numerous other musical acts and artists.

Jason Statham is one of the most entertaining actors out there today, and I think Dash is right here with me on this one. If not, feel free to do one of those parentheses edits with your thoughts buddy. From his roles in the Guy Ritchie films such as "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels" and "Snatch", to "The Transporter" series to "The Bank Job", which I haven't seen but hear is good. His role in these films are as follows: English, bad-ass. That's it!

The movie "Crank" was essentially the video game "Grand Theft Auto" as a motion picture. Just ridiculous action, over-the-top situations and even public fornication! The sequel seems to try to one-up it's predecessor and with the addition of Patton doing the score, I think it has a better chance of achieving that.

Link to article.

In other news, the new (in alphabetical order) Enslaved, Gojira, Tombs and Young Widows albums are all great. Check 'em all out.

-James

Now playing: Enslaved - New Dawn

PS Some of you better click those links, that shit is time-consuming to do!

In Which James Yells at Everyone About a Metal Band

So, I'm gonna go ahead and assume that most, if not all, of you reading this know that, I James H. Shafie the 1st, love metal. The aggression, the fervor, the loudness, the lyrics about death, Satan and victory! The fact that certain bands make me want to go out and kill everyone makes metal a very special and important part of my life. And I want to share it, with you!

Dashiell and I share a lot of similar music tastes. We've gotten each other into a lot of neat bands and artists. He showed me Liars and Fucked Up, for which I will be forever grateful. I showed him Bathory and The Legendary Pink Dots, and he better be damn grateful. One band that we both enjoy quite a bit is called Mastodon.


Mastodon! Click it.

Mastodon is a hard band to classify. They're sludgy, but melodic. Thrashy, but with weird ass drums. And they love not sticking to a specific sub-genre of metal. They definitely have an influence from Neurosis, and have used the vocal talents of Scott Kelly from said band. Check those guys out too.

I got into this band through their most famous album, "Leviathan". It's a concept album based on the novel "Moby Dick" by Herman Melville. yeah, you fucking read that right. An album about Moby Dick and it's sworn enemy Captain Ahab. I mean, that is pretty god-damned metal right?

Here are some sample lyrics:

Split your lungs with blood and thunder
When you see the white whale

Break your backs and crack your oars men
If you wish to prevail

This ivory leg is what propels me
Harpoons thrust in the sky

Aim directly for his crooked brow
And look him straight in the eye

White whale - holy grail

Mastodon's first release, "Lifesblood", has a very grindcore feel, fast, insane and like a punch in the head. Their first album, "Remission", is sludgy and heavy. "Leviathan" is, to me, their most solid album. Every song feels right, whatever the hell that means. And their newest release, the album "Blood Mountain" is their most melodic and most experimental. Lots of clean singing, so elitists beware!

Each album seems to coincide with one of the four (five if you're spiritual and lame [jk br0]) elements. Remission = Fire, Leviathan = Water and Blood Mountain = Earth. What;s their next album called you ask? "Crack the Skye" What element could that be referring to? WHO SAID "FARTS"?! Well Billy, the answer of "air" is half-right. It's supposedly going to be about "ether". We got some smarty/fancy-pants metalheads in this outfit. Lemme show you something about it from blabbermouth.net:

"We wanted to stick with elements and we wanted to do the 'ether' record. Ether is what the soul is made out of and it took a few months to connect all the dots." - Brann Dailor, drums.

Wowie. Also:

Dailor goes on to explain the "Crack The Skye" concept: "There is a paraplegic and the only way that he can go anywhere is if he astral travels. He goes out of his body, into outer space and a bit like Icarus, he goes too close to the sun, burning off the golden umbilical cord that is attached to his solar plexus. So he is in outer space and he is lost, he gets sucked into a wormhole, he ends up in the spirit realm and he talks to spirits telling them that he is not really dead. So they send him to the Russian cult, they use him in a divination and they find out his problem. They decide they are going to help him. They put his soul inside Rasputin's body. Rasputin goes to usurp the czar and he is murdered. The two souls fly out of Rasputin's body through the crack in the sky(e) and Rasputin is the wise man that is trying to lead the child home to his body because his parents have discovered him by now and think that he is dead. Rasputin needs to get him back into his body before it's too late. But they end up running into the Devil along the way and the Devil tries to steal their souls and bring them down…there are some obstacles along the way."

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?! THAT IS THE MOST METAL IDEA FOR AN ALBUM OR ANYTHING EVER. OH MY GOD.

Ok, ok, I'm calm. But holy shit! I listened to the first single off the album today, and I must say I dig it. It's called "Divinations" and this is the cover art:

DO YOU SEE THIS?! This is why I love this fucking band. Sure, their music's heavy as shit and complex and great, but look at that!

There is a wizard, with laser beams coming out of his eyes, and four bears! Those of which seem to be on leashes being guided by said wizard.

In short, LASER WIZARD AND HIS BEAR COMPANIONS. My goodness, I think I just peed a little.

Mastodon is metal, and I know some of you do not like much, or any metal at all. But hear me out. Take a listen to some of their stuff on their last.fm page (I recommend the song "Naked Burn") and hear for yourself. You never know, you might dig it.

-James

Now playing: Divinity Destroyed - Like A Prayer (Madonna cover)

PS Here's them with Sacha Baron Cohen, aka Borat.

Black metal and jewelery, a match made in HELL?!

So, I was informed by my friend and guest on the We're Friends! podcast, Awesome, about an article on blabbermouth.net. Blabbermouth.net is essentially a news site for all things metal, with some hardcore, punk, industrial and hard rock thrown in too. It's known for belligerent comments from users, articles ranging from deaths of famous metal people to what Lemmy from Motörhead ate that week.

ANYWAY. I checked out this article and it said this:

New York jewelry designer Dirty Librarian Chains has released a super-limited line of handmade jewelry inspired by the "True Norwegian Black Metal" photography series from Peter Beste.

All Dirty Librarian Chains jewelry is made from hand-selected vintage chains, making each piece in this collection unique. There is a limited quantity of the "black metal" chains (a couple of sample images below) available here so get them before they are all sold out. Dirty Librarian Chains also has a collection of equally special, non-black metal jewelry available at this location.

Really? I mean, REALLY?! Look, for those of you who don't know much about black metal, it's a pretty silly genre. Lots of guys wearing leather, spiked gauntlets, bullet belts, black and white "corpse paint" and sometimes chain mail, heaving medieval weapons in snow covered forests. Lots of albums about satanism, Odinism, Lord of the Rings (no joke) and how cold Scandinavia is.

But jewelery? Well, all right. Everyone's allowed to do what they want right? Let's take a look at some of the pieces:

The ETERNAL WINTER NECKLACE

Cost: $100

I mean, this is a really uh...simple piece of jewelery. Long chain, wooden cross (INVERTED BLEEARRGGHH) and some frilly chain at the bottom. The cross isn't even a metal of some sort. Maybe using a wooden one is more blasphemous.

What does vintage mean exactly regarding chains? Is it like cheese and wine, where it can get "better" as the years go by? If you know, email us please. wearefriendspodcast@gmail.com

Honestly, I could buy a chain, a wooden little cross, and some frill and make this for like 25 bucks probably. This isn't silver by the way, just some regular old metal.


The DEATH'S EMBRACE RING

Cost: $30

Ok, this is wallet chain material. That's it. How is this black metal? Because it's darkish in color?

What else to say? It could've at least had a inscription of some Emperor lyrics or something. Probably couldn't get the rights.










The EMPTY THRONE NECKLACE (These names are fantastic, by the way)

Cost: $170 (!!!)

HOW MUCH?! Ok, ok, maybe there's something cool or expensive in the necklace.

Ohhh, it's silver. Well all right. But it still looks like fucking wallet chains. And this time the cross isn't even completely inverted? "Sorry Frank, you can't come into the black metal clubhouse, you're only 75% heathen." This is what will happen to millions of Franks if they buy this.

Also, what the hell does "Vintage chain will vary." mean? Does that mean I might get something not made of silver, or a chain of a different design? Maybe they'll send me a pink wallet chain! Too much vagueness.

So there you go. Black metal is now part of the fashion industry. Along with Gaahl (frontman of one of the two Gorgoroths [don't ask]) starting his own clothing line. Man, what would Quorthon (black metal forefather, leader of Bathory) think of this?

"Who cares?" he'd probably say.
"Shut up Quorthon", I'd reply, "you're dead."
Then I'd whisper, "I didn't mean it Mr. Forsberg, please sign my cd."
And then he'd eat my brains because he's a zombie.

-James

Now playing: The Beach Boys - Wouldn't It Be Nice [Stereo Mix]